The Taming of the Nerfherder
or
Shakespearean Star Wars

by the Eminent JoJo Hasenpfeffer, B.S.

 

 

see You Could Use Another Good Kiss home page
for applicable legal statements and disclaimers

Home | Back to Author's List


 

[In a galaxy twelve billion fortnights' time from our theater... ]

Leia: Han! O Han...wherefore art thou Han?

Han: [Han, popping up at the wrong moment because he doesn't know the correct meaning of "wherefore."] I'm over here, sweet Leia!

Leia: What? Get thee hence until completed are my lines! This is my moment!

Han: A thousand apologies!

Leia: Yea...where was I? Deny thy Falconand refuse thy...

Han: WHAT!?!? GRRRRRRRR.

Leia:...name or if...shut up,Han!...thou wilt not, be but sworn my love and...Hey, come back! You're supposed to be eavesdropping!I'll no longer [Leia pursues Han like a fury] be an Organa!

Han: Listen, Your Highnessness, I didn't know what all this star-crossed lovers deal was about when I got into it. You can have your Organa status. I'm keeping my ship!

Leia: Words, words, words! You are just a scruffy-looking fishmonger!

Han: Who's scruffy-looking?

Leia: [turning up her nose] What dost thou know?!?

Han: Too well what love men to ships may owe!...

[spotlight settles over Han's figure as he prepares his monologue]

What a piece of work is a ship! How speedy in parsecs! In form and moving how rugged and manly!

Leia: Han, your use of rhythm and meter is incorrect! Iambic Pentameter, not free verse!

Han: [Throwing down his text book on English literature] I've been trying for two weeks to master this language and all I get is, 'Han, I don't like your ship... Han you're not speaking in perfect Shakespearean Iambik pentaneger!' I'm outta here!

Leia: Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling. Come hither again!

[Takes hold of his arm and is thrown off]

Han: And who is this Shakespeare guy, anyway? What kind of a first name is William?

Leia: A name? What's in a name?

Han: I knew you were going to say that!

[The author apologizes for the misbehavior of her players as the fight continues... ]

Leia: [in the background] You whoreson beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!

[The security staff has now forcibly removed Han and Leia from the thrust stage]

Home | Back to Author's List | Part __ | Part __ | Part __